All Alone

Well, today is my first full day living completely alone, in my entire life really. Not that I don't have a way to get in touch with people, but I've never actually resided in a dwelling without other people also living with me and upon whom I could talk to if something untoward happened. Not that I've never slept along before, but I've always either been with friends or family, or when I was younger had an assigned caretaker. Both my roommates are gone, and I have no classes or anyone I'm necessarily scheduled to see.

I'm not really scared or anything like that. More I'm just afraid I'll go nuts. Seriously, I realized yesterday thinking about the coming week that I'll just lose it without anybody to talk to. So if you read this blog, feel free to e-mail or call me whenever you feel the need. I do have friends still here, and I do plan to meet them in the coming days, and I've got a ton of stuff to do, but all the trappings of home, the little markers in a place that assure us someone else is around even though we don't see them, will just be from me. Why this is intimidating I have no idea.

From a Warrior's standpoint, I of course should learn to be emotionally and psychologically independent, in addition to the physical independence of fitness and self-preservation. Though even for those who serve others, self-sufficiency is more of an emergency tactic, since we'd hopefully be around those we wanted to help and care about. The ability to maintain internal balance on one's own, without others around for reflection or stabilization, is important when helping people, because if others are relying on you, you can't be putting too much weight on them. So a Warrior does need to have the ability to be very secure on his/her own. That said, the life ideal is very interdependent, and so that ability to do well in isolation doesn't necessarily mean we should seek out isolation all that time. Spirit quests being the obvious exception. Maybe this week of spring break is my spirit quest.

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